Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize