Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize