Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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