so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
