apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
