You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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