He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
