So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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