guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
