She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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