Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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