She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
