So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
