The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Randomize
