i love accidental penises.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
