I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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