It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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