just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Why are your pants in the freezer?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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