So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
