my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize