Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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