her facebook's as public as her vagina
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
