Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
