I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
