Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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