well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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