while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
