In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Randomize
