i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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