I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
