If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
