your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
