You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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