Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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