just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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