Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
