the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
