I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
