Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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