Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
