i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize
