I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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