Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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