Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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