"it" just moved
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
