I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
