My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
