The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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