what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
