Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
