Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
