Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
