You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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