I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
