her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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