Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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