ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
