and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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