If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I have fence marks all over my body
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
