we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
she told me i tasted like america
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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