Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
