That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
