M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
