god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
