How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
