sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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