we have officially lost it.
My nipple is on Facebook.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
